Monday, February 6, 2012

A Parable

A Parable

by
Connie Goulding


August 5th, 2010, thirty-three Chilean miners, 2,300 ft. deep inside the earth, were trapped by a massive cave-in when the rock inside the mine where they were working, collapsed. They were restricted to a 500 ft. safe area and to the mine shafts below the collapse. It was hot, humid, dark and uncomfortable.

They were dead men walking, and unless they were rescued they were doomed to live for only as long as the small supply of emergency food, water and their personal stamina would last. Although they had tools and knowledge, they had no power to save themselves. The task of freeing themselves was too overwhelming.

How alone they must have felt as they listened for any sign of a rescue, only to hear the groaning of the earth as it settled in upon itself. They were separated from home and family by almost a half a mile of unmovable rock overhead. Their hope of ascending the three and a half miles through the twisting mine shaft, the same route that they had descended, became impossible after the massive rock fall.

When faced with the stark reality of their situation they chose to have hope. They organized themselves, rationed their food and water and waited. They had faith that those on the surface were working, doing what they could to rescue them. Still there must have been times when it became hard to hold onto that hope as day after day passed. Days passed and then weeks. Finally days after their food ran out, on the seventeenth day of their captivity, hope was renewed when a small shaft was created as a drill bit broke through from the surface.

The trapped men, wanting the rescuers on the surface to know they had been found, pounded on the drill bit, hoping that those working on their rescue would hear their tapping. To be sure that those on the surface knew that they had been found alive they fastened a note written in red marker to the end of the bit. It read “ESTAMOS BIEN EN EL REFUGIO, los 33”, “We are well in the shelter, the 33.”

Through a small hole, the circumference of a grapefruit, communication was established with the world on the surface. Communications via the shaft became known as “Palomas,” or being interpreted “Doves”, because, along with the food, water, and medicine sent down the shaft to the miners, notes from loved ones were carefully carried, as if on the wings of a dove, through the shaft to the trapped miners below and back to their families on the surface.

It must have been with mixed feelings that the miners faced the reality of their situation. On one hand there was overwhelming joy and relief that they had been found, but on the other hand the enormity of their dilemma must have been daunting. Even though those on the surface knew where they were, it would take time to put a rescue plan into place and it was unknown if the plan would even work.

Never before had a rescue of this depth, for this many men, after this length of time been successful. The rescuers reluctantly informed the miners that it would be months before they could be brought to the surface. The rescuers hoped to have the miners back with their families by Christmas. The miners faced an entombment of an additional 4 months.

In many ways the story of our lives mirrors that of the trapped miners. We have descended below our home, away from our Father in Heaven. We, like them, are dead men walking, trapped in our mortality, lost with no way to save ourselves.

In this life there are times when we all suffer. We have a short ranged view of our existence and many times we feel that we sit in the darkness unable to see beyond our own pain. We feel a loneliness and a longing for a better place and have an underlying feeling that there should be more to our existence and that this is not our home. Many times we feel alone and wonder if anyone knows of our pain or cares.

There are among us, many who through the consequences of their own choices have lost many of the liberties that our Heavenly Father planned for us to enjoy in this life. Many are in bondage to addictions of their physical bodies or to errors of thinking or both. Some of us are in sad circumstances not only because of the choices we have made but, also because of the choices of others. Many of us were directed on wrong paths by those who should have loved us and provided us with better. Some are lost because of pride and self-centeredness, and an inability to empathize with others. Some have given up hope and some just don't want to be told what to do.

Early in their captivity the miners organized themselves and divided into teams with three men in each. They were to watch over and help one another with physical, mental and spiritual challenges. That was one of the secrets of their being able to survive as long and as well as they did. They truly became their brothers' keepers.

We, like the miners, are in this existence together, trying to figure out the best way to live our lives. How much better off would we be if we loved others as we love ourselves and they loved us?

In the miners' case, as in ours, there were several plans of rescue put forth, but for them, there was only one plan where the drill stayed true and did not veer off course or come to a halt because it was not up the the task. One drill followed a straight path, through one of the small pilot holes that had been drilled previously to locate the miners.

The miners were not passive in their rescue. As the drill rotated and pounded its way to their rescue, rock fell down the smaller shaft and heaped up into a rubble pile in the cavern where the miners were trapped. The miners worked to move the rock as it came down, clearing the way for the larger drill. They worked around the clock, in hot and uncomfortable conditions. They worked being hungry. They helped one another. They had hope, and they endured.

Everyone born into this life faces the same impossible dilemma, with our first breath we start the journey to our death. Our mortality stands between us and our immortal home. We have no way to save ourselves or one another.

For the Chilean miners, rescuers built a capsule to be lowered down the narrow shaft using cables. The rescue capsule was cylindrical and narrow, just 24 inches in circumference, barely big enough for a man to fit inside. The capsule was only 4 inches narrower than the shaft that was driven through 2,300 ft. of solid rock.

Deep in the mine the miners waited for their salvation, while on the surface rescuers worked out details of the rescue plan. Before a single miner was brought to the surface several of the rescuers descended down the narrow shaft. They volunteered to minister to the trapped miners, to check their physical and mental well being and to prove that the rescue capsule would work. 
 
Through our Heavenly Father's love for us, the world has been blessed by the ministering of angels. Angels who have chosen to aid us in our journey back to our Heavenly home. Many in the depths of their trials have been touched personally by angels who have chosen to be their guardians and history is filled with examples of angelic visits that have enlightened mankind and pointed us back to our Heavenly Father who loves us.

When the time came for the miners to be raised from the depths of their captivity each man was faced with the choice to believe that the plan for their rescue would succeed. One man at a time stepped into the capsule; each to make the ascent alone. As each man put his trust in the plan, he had hope that the capsule would be drawn up the narrow shaft in a true and straight ascent and not become off balance and get stuck. If the capsule were to become stuck in the shaft, it would crush their hope of a rescue and condemn the miner and those yet to followed to the dark depths of the Earth. The plan had to work or all hope was lost.

Before this world was created a plan was put into motion to rescue us. For us a Savior was provided. A Savior chosen to save us from our mortality, from all the sadness, pain, errors in thinking, sin, illness and death that we would suffer in this life, to bring us back to our home and to our Father in Heaven.

Just as with the miners, our rescue is an individual and personal rescue. Though salvation is available to everyone our relationship with the Savior is an intimate and personal one. For us there is only one plan of rescue, that is in and through the atoning sacrifice of the Savior Jesus Christ. He descended below all things to rescue us.

He took upon himself our pains, our illnesses, our sins and our mortality. He is the giver of hope and of life. He paved the way for us to return to our home with our Heavenly Father, to be united with the loved ones who have gone on before us. He stands beside us to take the weight of the burdens that we carry, to dry our tears and to bring us peace. He came to bring us home.

The fabric that runs through all of our lives in this existence is agency, the power to choose for ourselves, to act and not to be acted upon. Even in the depth of the earth the trapped miners had the choice to trust in the plan for their rescue or to wander into the dark regions of the mine looking for another way out.

As each miner stepped into the capsule and closed the door he gave his will over to the rescue plan and to the rescuers on the surface. He became one with the plan and trusted in salvation. This surrender of will is what is required for us in our salvation. We must surrender our will for trust in our Savior Jesus Christ.

Because of the eternal sanctity of man's agency upon which this mortal life was founded, the Savior cannot take from us our will. We are free to choose. The Savior stands beside us waiting to heal our wounds and to lift us into Eternal Salvation, but He can only do that with our invitation.

For me, that time came when I was on my knees in the depths of grief. Like the miners as they stepped inside of the capsule, I was at a pivotal point, should I stay with the things that I knew and try to overcome my challenges with my own strength and knowledge or should I reach out to my Heavenly Father and ask for help?

How could someone as great as God care about me and why should I lay my burdens upon the Savior when there was already so much suffering in the world? I should just bite my tongue, stand up straight and get over it. But like the miners, trapped by the unmovable rock that held them captive, I could not lift the burden of my grief.

Before my eyes, my beautiful, funny, full of life eight year old son was killed in an automobile/pedestrian accident. I held his body as his blood spilled out on the roadway and his spirit slipped away and returned to his Heavenly home. I pleaded with my Heavenly Father to let him stay, but that wasn't in my son's life plan.

I was lost in the dark, overwhelmed with the burden of my grief. I was so weary, unable to rest as the problem of mortality was always before my eyes. I came to know that a broken heart is a true physical feeling. Where once I had a heart there was now only a dark hole that was raw and painful.

It was under this burden that I bent to ask my Heavenly Father for his help and it was there that I met the Savior. 

As I appealed to my Father in Heaven, I told Him how weary I was and asked Him to please lift the burden of my grief. Before I could again stand on my feet the weight of my sorrows was lifted from off of my shoulders. I still had to work through the pain and loss, but the unbearable weight was gone.

It was there that I came to know that the Savior stands by our side waiting to lift our burdens. Waiting only for us to ask Him, waiting for us to lay our burdens upon His shoulders, waiting for us to put our hand in His.

We like the miners, as they pulled the door closed behind them and became one with the rescue capsule, must become one with our Savior and surrender our will to His and trust in His rescue plan for us.

One by one the miners made their solitary ascent up the narrow shaft from the darkness and into the light. They were greeted by their loved ones as the whole world watched and cheered. The rescue plan had succeeded; not one man had been lost. They were redeemed on Oct. 14, 2010, sixty-nine days after the mine collapse, fifty-two days after they had been found alive.

It is my hope that when I make that solitary journey from this life into the next, I will do it in the arms of my Savior. When I arrive in my Heavenly home what joy there will be as I am reunited with those who have made the journey before me. In the meantime I know that my Savior lives and loves me and that He stands beside me.


conniestories.blogspot.com

Sunday, November 20, 2011

Is It Only Paper?


Is It Only Paper?
Connie Goulding
Nov. 2011

I would like to tell you of the journey that I traveled when I was young.

I was newly married and I had a great desire to have a family. I was the eldest child in a family of ten children (the crash test dummy). For me marriage was children and family. My husband and I prayed that we would be blessed with children, but it didn't happen right away. Still we hoped and planned. One day a lady showed me some of the baby booties that she had made for her grandchildren. I asked her if she would make two pair for me. I told her I needed two pair because I was going to have a set of twins. I don't recall that she doubted me at all, she just made two pair of yellow and white baby booties and brought them to me.

Time went by and still no babies. During that time I had a dream and in that dream I saw two little boys and then a little girl. Finally after doctors visits, old lady's advice and home remedies, my husband and I asked our bishop to give us a priesthood blessing. Nine months later our first son was born.

He was such a joy, and the light of our life and we enjoyed him so much that we decided to have another baby right away. Eighteen months after the first, our joy doubled and our second son was born. Life was busy with two little boys and on top of that we decided to build a house. Just before we moved into our new home we found that we were going to have yet another baby and I was sure that this baby would be our little girl. She was due to arrive just nineteen months after our second son. Our oldest would be barely three years old.

Everything went pretty well with my pregnancy, no complications or hints that anything might be wrong until two weeks before my baby was due. At my regular check-up the doctor told me that the baby was getting really big. He was worried that the baby would be too big for me to deliver and he wanted to start labor before the baby got any bigger. He couldn't locate the baby's head and didn't want to start labor until he knew how the baby was situated. Then almost as an afterthought he said, “Before we start labor I think I'll send you for an ex-ray just in case the baby is breach.” (That was before ultra sound was available).

My mother was with me that day and she went with me to get the ex-ray. We waited until the doctor came back from his lunch to look at the results. He was still munching on a doughnut when he finally came into the room where the ex-ray tech had hung the film on a light board. He flipped the switch and turned on the light.

I could identify my bones, but the rest looked like a jumble to me. I couldn't tell what was what. The doctor was smiling as he pointed out the spine and the cranium of my baby. Then he pointed to the second baby. Two little babies and they were both breach. Two babies face to face, they looked like they were having a boxing match. Seven days later I went from being a mother of two little boys to a mother of three little boys and a girl.

My life was busy. Babies take a lot of time, two twice as much as one, toddlers at least eight times as much as newborns.

I learned so much about motherhood and child care from my mother, but as talented and amazing as she was, she was beginning to have some challenges in her life. She was falling into the depths of depression and a full mental breakdown. Her mental collapse shook me to my very foundations. Through that busy and emotionally difficult time my sisters helped me a lot, I don't know what I would have done without them.

Reality was beginning to stare fantasy directly in the face. I went from dreaming of holding a sweet little bundle of joy in my arms to wondering if I would ever again get a full nights sleep. From decorating a sweet little nursery with beautiful rocking cradle filled with soft blankets and quilts, to four little busy bodies pulling out every drawer in their dresser, scattering clean clothes everywhere and painting their walls with pooh. From reading romance novels all night and sleeping in until noon, to getting up to find the twins had broken two dozen eggs on the kitchen floor to make a slippery slide. From saying things to my visiting teachers like, “my kids don't write on the walls,” to scrubbing off the pencil where the wall was black in between every slat of their crib the very next day.

I had dreams of rosy faced little cherubs, beautifully dressed, not one hair out of place. They were beautiful, I loved them, they were my life. But there were times like the time I found that number one son had painted number two son green with a magic marker. Not just a little bit, but all over his little blond head, around his eyes, all over his face, down his arms and on the palms of his hands. And they didn't stay dressed, even though they could get four wearings out of a shirt, front, back, inside-out front and back, they loved to strip off and run around in their Batman underwear. Most of the time they wore their undies back-wards so that they could see the cool pictures of Batman that were printed on the seat.

I went from sometimes having a clean house with things in their places to piles of laundry, toys in the bathtub and to finding snow boots full of milk in the middle of the living room floor. And I went from being a young girl with stars in her eyes who married her high school sweetheart and rode off into the sunset in his turquoise blue Ford Mustang, to being a wife and mother that others depended on for so many things. I went from being the one my sweetheart looked at with loving eyes to being replaced by meatloaf and a bowl of mashed potatoes when he came home and asked “What's for dinner?”

My husband worked hard as a mechanic. He put in many long hours and in my immaturity and being self centered I didn't see that was his way of showing his love and commitment to me and our growing family.

I began to have an irritated attitude. Didn't he see the things I had to put up with everyday? Didn't he know I was up all night with a baby who had an earache? Didn't he know that the twins were teething? Didn't he see that I was overwhelmed with laundry and toys and crying babies? I began to entertain thoughts like, “He doesn't have a clue how hard my life is. I could do this better by myself.”

Then one night I had a dream. In this dream I was driving my husband's 67 Ford Mustang, the first car he had ever owned, the one that he bought his senior year in high school. I was leaving him and the life we had together. One of my sisters was with me and my children were in the back seat.

As we were traveling down a long straight road we saw a large flock of beautiful white birds along the side of the road. Having never seen birds like these I stopped the car to look at them. Wanting to get a better look at the birds we got out of the car and walked nearer to them. The birds didn't fly away and we were able to get very close to them. After looking at the birds we turned around and started to return to the car. The car was no longer where we left it. While we were looking at the birds, a man had taken the car to a shop about a block away.

By the time that I was able to get to the shop with my little children, some were men sanding the paint off of the car. I was very upset and I tried to stop them from ruining the paint on the car. I pleaded with the man who had taken the car and who was in charge, to put the car back the way that it was. I begged him, saying, “This is my husband's car. You can't do this. This car means a lot to him. You have to put it back the way it was.”

The man finally agreed to stop sanding the paint off of the car and to return it to it's original condition, but he told me that it would take time to do this and suggested that I take my children to a nearby large building and wait while his men worked on the car.

Inside the building there was a gymnasium where there were many people watching a basketball game. I sat for awhile watching, but I wasn't interested in the game that everyone was so intently involved in watching.

I left and went into a smaller room that was off to the side of the larger one. The room was much like a foyer. There were couches on opposite sides of the room and there were several doors that opened into the room. My children were seated on the floor playing.

The man who had taken the car and several of his helpers came into the room to tell me how the work on the car was going. He was a handsome man and he paid a lot of attention to me. He said very flattering things to me and sat very close to me on the couch. I began to feel an attraction to him because he made me feel beautiful and desirable.

After a few minutes he got up and went to the far side of the room and got a beautiful leather bound book. It had a red leather cover with gold letters imprinted on the front. It was a very large book, measuring about twenty-four by twenty-four inches square and was about eight inches thick. He again sat down next to me on the couch and laid the book on my lap.

I opened up the book and inside were the most amazing and wonderful things. I had never seen such a book before or after this dream in the real world. It's hard to explain the things in the book and the closest I can come to describing them is the beautiful fold out decorations that some stores hang from the ceilings at Holiday time, or a pop-up book. But it was even more than that. The things in the book seemed magical, they were wonderful and amazing. As I turned the pages each page was more wonderful and beautiful than the last.

The man sat close to me on the couch pointing out different things in the book and whispering things in my ear. As I reached to turn another page I happened to look up and I noticed the man's helpers. They were standing across the room and their attention was on my little children who were sitting on the floor. They stood there whispering to each other. Suddenly I knew that they had designs on my children and that the man on the couch and the book were a distraction.

I awoke with a terrible feeling. It was a dark and malevolent feeling that left me afraid for my children.

I believe that everyone has within themselves the interpretation of their own dreams. Some of the dreams I have had are just dreams and I don't see anything special about them, but others leave me unsettled and feeling that there is something that I might learn. I see kind of a visual symbolism of things in my dreams.

In this dream my thinking put me on the road to taking my children and leaving my husband. Letting things run through my mind like, “I could do this better by myself” and “ He just doesn't understand me,” put me on the road to leaving him and destroying my marriage.

The car, a vehicle to get from one place to another, represented my marriage. I had taken it down a road without my husband and he cared about it and what happened to it.

The long straight road was a route of where I could travel in this life.

The man and his helpers who had taken the car when I was distracted and not paying attention were the Tempter and his helpers.

It took me a long time to decide what the white birds represented. The birds were heavenly creatures who were along the route I was taking that distracted me from the path that I was on. They allowed me to stop and gave me time to change my direction or correct the errors of my thinking. I've come to believe that there are Heavenly influences that are put in our paths to guide us and enlighten us and give us a second chance.

The large building represented the world and was a place where many people were focused on entertainment.

The beautiful red book was filled with wonderful and beautiful things. They were the things of the world and they can become bedazzling and addictive, but they were only paper and not of a eternal nature.

As the Tempter sat by my side and whispered in my ear, flattering me, and showing me the beautiful book, I almost forgot about my children. It was only when I saw the look on the faces of his helpers as they made plans for my children that I was shocked awake.

I knew that it was the thoughts that I entertained that put me on the road that would put my marriage in a dangerous place and without the protection of a strong marriage and loving family my children would be left more exposed to the Tempter and his helpers.

This dream instantly changed my life. It made me realize that there is nothing that I love more than my family and I didn't want to do anything that would put my children in the Tempter's path.

Many times, when life gets hard and I'm feeling overwhelmed I've asked myself, “Are errors in my thinking putting me on the wrong path?” “Am I a good example to my children?” “Are the things that distract me or entice me of an eternal nature or are they only paper?”

Monday, November 14, 2011

Have I Told You

Have I Told You

Heavenly Father, have I told you
how I love the blue of the sky
as it stretches from horizon to horizon,
and how I love its shades of blue
as it turns from aqua
to ultra marine blue overhead?

Have I told you how I love the color
of the grasses in the Fall,
and how I love the way that they
dance and sway
as the breezes pass by?

Have I told you how I love the face
of a high mountain lake,
when in its stillness
it reflects the trees in their garish colors
as they say goodby to Summer
and embrace the chill of Fall?

Have I told you how I love the evening
as the sun slips away from the day,
and runs her golden fingers
across the mountain peaks
to paint them pink and gold?

Heavenly Father have I told you
how I love my grandchildren
as they laugh and play and run
and how I love my children
and wish that my life had just begun?

Heavenly Father have I told you
Thank You?
Connie Goulding

Tuesday, November 8, 2011

On the worst day of my life will you still hold my hand?

On the worst day
of my life
will you still hold my hand?

I see many people on the worst day of their life because I chose to become an EMT (emergency medical technician). Many people tell me that they could never become an EMT because they couldn't stand to see the things that I sometimes have to see.

I don't love the gore or excitement. I don't love the flashbacks of the sights I've seen that run through my brain. I don't love the smell or the worry. I don't love the pain and the sadness. I don't love being tethered to a pager worrying about if I can go somewhere or if the page will go off. I don't love the surprises when I find out that the victim is someone I know. I don't love meeting new friends with broken bodies and broken hearts as they lay in a pile of rubble that used to be a car.

Hurry
Hurry, hurry, hurry.
Life is running out.
Pieces of your world
lie scattered all about.

Hurry, hurry, hurry,
life is running out.
Baby's small pink shoe,
bits of broken glass...
Photos on the roadway...
scattered in the grass.

Hurry, hurry, hurry,
life is running out.
Rescue's harsh shrill scream...
people all about.

Hurry, hurry, hurry,
life is running out.
Blood and pain and gore.
It's getting hard to remember
what the rush was for.

So why do I do it?

I do it because someone showed up for me on the worst day of my life. Blessed are the ones who show up to hold a hand, to pick up battered bodies and to bandage wounds.

On the worst day of my life my beautiful, funny, full of life eight-year old son was killed in an automobile, pedestrian accident.

Many people showed up to help that day, EMTs, Highway Patrolmen, Sheriff's Deputies, doctors, family, neighbors, friends, and last but nowhere near the least, the mortician. All of these people left what they were doing on that early spring morning in May, to answer the call to help my son and my family. They were there to do the things for us that we could not do for ourselves. Some of them left their children who were getting ready for school that day to be with mine as he crossed from this world into the next. Some of them like my mother, who was an EMT at the time, would expose themselves to the flashbacks of seeing his lifeless body laying in the road only to ask themselves if there was anything more that they could have done. For many of them this was not the first time they had seen this kind of sorrow and it would not be the last.

Why did they do it?That is a question I cannot answer for them, each one has their own story, but for me , I became an EMT because of a profound sense of gratitude I have for the service and sacrifice that each one of these people gave to me on the worst day of my life.

I am so eternally grateful that my son was not alone when he left this world, that someone was there to hold his hand. That is why I choose to be there, so that on the worst day of your life you won't be there alone. I will be there to hold your hand and I'll do everything that I can so that you'll have a better day tomorrow.
Connie Goulding

Sunday, October 30, 2011

Widow's Mite

Widow's Mite


Dressed in fine apparel,
Lauded by their friends,
Rich men brought their fortunes,
To be esteemed in the sight of men.

The widow entered quietly
Unnoticed by the throng.
In her hand were two small coins,
She had treasured long.
Into the treasury went the coins,
All her earthly wealth.

The Savior watching all that day
Asked this question of His friends,
"Of all who cast their coins today
Who has given more?
Some have cast in many coins . . .
Who did they do it for?"

The widow in her poverty,
In the midst of want . . .
Had cast in but two small coins,
She had no wealth to flaunt.

The Savior spoke then quietly,
"Look not on the outer part,
It is not what the world see's . . .
It is what's written in the heart."

Connie Goulding
Mark 12:41-44

Thursday, October 27, 2011

Rainbows


I often look for rainbows
Written across dark stormy skies.
Flashes of bright colors,
Released by beams of light.

Within dark brooding rainclouds
Small droplets of ice cold rain
Explode with hidden colors
When touched by the sun's warm rays.

Sometimes life's storms are oppressive,
At times there seems no end,
But I'll be here waiting,
For the sun to shine again.

Connie Goulding

Sunday, October 23, 2011

Heaven's Glory

Heaven's Glory


As clouds darken my horizon,
I know they must surely pass
Like winter snows,
To bring spring flowers at last.

The beauty of the rainbow
I could never see,
Without dark rainclouds
First to threaten me.

And where I stand today,
Others once stood here too,
Surrounded by mists of darkness...
Waiting for the light to come
bursting through.

Light bouncing off of
drops of water...
Teardrops of falling rain,
I know that Heaven's Glory
Will shine on me again.

Connie Goulding
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